Author: Crispin Moller

By Nick Phillis, Mentor & Truster Advisor

I was recently asked to give some marriage advice. Given my speciality is working with 18–30 year olds:

I asked, why me?

They said they had heard that the work I do with young people improves their self knowledge, which in turn (amongst other things) has a positive impact on their relationships within the family.

I guess this applies regardless of age. The marriage advice I offered, therefore, was, “never assume that the first thing your partner says is what they really mean or is all they want to say. Always give them an opportunity to say more.”

Three months later, we bumped into each other. A few sentences into our conversation, they told me they had taken my advice onboard and they felt their relationship was stronger and deeper – importantly for them, there had been no misunderstandings and more laughter.

In my work with young people, whatever the reason for the engagement, a key part of it is ensuring that they truly know and understand themselves and can then express any and all of their thoughts to those close to them.

This generally, has a huge impact. They are buoyed by the deeper knowledge; excited by what they discover; empowered to act on it; and cherish the fact that those close to them have the chance to understand them more fully and more clearly. Relationships are better as a result. They are keen for our next conversation.

How does this happen? I spend a lot of time listening and give space to allow thinking to develop. Never cut off a train of thought – thinking is really powerful. The more we think the more we can think – and science agrees. In the act of thinking, the brain releases powerful neurotransmitters that encourage deeper and wider thinking. As we do that, we know more about ourselves and understand ourselves more fully, creating a positive impact on our psyche and self-worth, building confidence.

While there is no ‘right answer’ for building better relationships with 18-30 year olds, there are a few things to be avoided:

Don’t respond to the first thing someone says. Let them develop the thought – often, the detail comes later.

Don’t interrupt someone when they are speaking. Not only is it annoying and frustrating, but because you haven’t heard all the story you cannot be sure that the response you give will hit the spot, indeed, it might miss the point totally. Consequently, your answer doesn’t match what they are really thinking. This is annoying and frustrating – they may think you’re not really interested.

To build better relationships – you listen, they think. They complete their thoughts, developing their ideas as fully as they can. Their thinking is as good as it can be. You respond appropriately.

Never assume that the first thing someone says is what they really mean or is all they want to say. Always, give them an opportunity to say more. Then you get to have your say…

Renovating a home is a big commitment, and deciding to expand your family is an even bigger one. How do you design a home that’s comfortable for a family of two, but will also function for a family of four, or even more? Laura Hammett, Creative Director of the renowned London-based interior, architecture, and design studio, and founder of luxury homeware brand Laura Hammett Living, offers her top tips on creating a space that not only meets the needs of your current family but will also be suitable in the future.

Durable Fabrics & Furniture

“Always opt for performance fabrics on any cushions or upholstery, especially if clients have kids or pets. These luxury fabrics are highly durable, fade resistant, mildew and mould resistant and extremely easy to maintain, so won’t look worn quickly. Also look for traditional pocket sprung bases when buying sofas, dining chairs or armchairs, this a sign of high-quality, traditional craftsmanship. We use performance fabrics and pocket sprung bases throughout on all our designs at Laura Hammett Living.”

A Family Friendly Kitchen Design

“Firstly, always consider the triangle of work when designing a kitchen. Envision the flow of movement from sink to dishwasher, cooker or fridge and design the space seamlessly around that. I love to centre a kitchen around a butcher’s block or island with stools to make it more sociable for family life. The best family-friendly elements I included when designing my own kitchen were the breakfast bar with sliding pocket doors for appliance storage. This means all the unsightly toasters and coffee machines are accessible but can disappear in an instant. We always design fully integrated rubbish bins, dishwasher, fridge/ freezer, as integrated bespoke solutions feel so much more luxurious. Also, hidden pantry cupboards with spice racks on the inside of doors are great. I love designing doorways leading from kitchens into a pantry room or a chef’s kitchen to keep the main kitchen space perfect for hosting or entertaining. I also usually opt for drawers rather than cupboards in kitchens, so the space at the back can be easily reached and utilised. Lastly, multiple ovens, boiling water taps, and state of the art appliances are a must for luxury modern family living.”

Never Overlook The Amount Of Storage You Need

“Bespoke joinery is the ultimate in luxury living. Having storage solutions tailored to a client’s exacting needs and preferences is what we specialise in. Storage is especially important in a dressing room where the client’s specific collection needs to be carefully considered and the flow of movement mapped out. Utilities, pantries, laundry rooms and hidden spaces are key for designing with practicality in mind. I live to design joinery in living rooms with open shelving at the top and closed cabinetry at the bottom for storage and a nice balance. We often include hidden bathroom storage behind mirrors or artwork. Having nice large drawers in a bedside table is a great way to keep the tabletop clean and free of clutter.”

Practical Lighting

“Practical lighting begins with a layered lighting scheme. This means having overheads like pendants and chandeliers on one circuit for brightness, then lamps always go on a 5amp circuit for a separate ‘evening’ cosy lighting level, and any integrated low level lighting such as LED’s within joinery for additional ambience. Being able to switch these layers on and off separately makes for a seamless experience. We make sure all lamp wires always feed into a tiny hole cut into the rug (professionally cut by a rug expert) and plug into a floor box, so no messy wires are visible. Integrated reading lights set into headboards are a practical addition, as the two lights can work independently from each other if one person wants to read, and another is asleep. Two of our Laura Hammett Living bed designs have this feature, one in our Contemporary and one in our Modern Heritage collections. This gives customers a choice between both styles and they just plug in so no special electrical wiring is needed. Another practical trick we employ when limited on bedside space is to use a floating light which hangs from the ceiling.”

Design Longevity As Children Grow Up

“The best method for longevity is designing anything fixed such as joinery and integrated furniture to grow with the child. I always recommend investing in storage and built-in wardrobes large enough to see a child through to teenage years. Fun additions can definitely be added to a baby’s room or a nursery, but we tend to keep the base (such as wallpaper, flooring, carpets, rugs and paint) more neutral and timeless. Then we add age-appropriate patterns, playful texture and pops of colour to the cushions, blankets and smaller upholstery items like stools, which can be changed as the child grows up. With nurseries, this space is for the parents as much as it’s for a little one, so make sure it’s suited to your personal tastes too! However, with children’s bedrooms, we always like to get their input on what they want. I once sat next to a client’s young daughter at dinner on a trip to Singapore and we had an in-depth conversation about exactly what she wanted her bedroom to be like, and that’s what we designed!”

By Vicky Silverthorn, Professional Organiser

Living a life with less stuff and transforming your home into the decluttered space you’d like it to be is predominantly about getting your mindset right. Preparing your thoughts and envisaging why you are starting the process is just as important as the process itself.

Here are a few key, important things I’ve found really helpful to read through way before you think about which baskets may look pretty or what containers you should be buying. The process works well when you think, declutter, organise and then look into any additional storage you may need to enhance your spaces.

Food Overwhelm

Since Covid many are still in the habit of stock piling food and the reality is that too much food causes waste. Crammed cupboards make it harder to locate what we need which in turn impacts our minds and makes us feel more disorganised and chaotic. It’s time to buy less, alter your food lists and just get what you need. The shops store the food, that’s what they’re there for and that’s the key thing to remember. Less food more organisation.

Decluttering Positivity!

Decluttering is thought of as a huge chore and yes it can take time if you are thinking of large areas. The second you break this down and target a drawer, a small cupboard or even a shelf you’ll find yourself making key changes more easily and without the big build up in your mind. Start small now and see how rapid the transformation can be.

Give It a Home

This really is the biggest tip for creating order within your house. As soon as you designate a place for something to live whether it’s a safety pin or a larger item it becomes easier to keep on top of things. If you end up with items which have no space then you know you have more than your home can hold and it’s time to cull. Often the problem of disorganisation relates to the fact we simply have too much stuff for the space we have. Option 1 buy a bigger house and option 2 declutter!

Look at Storage

Storage is key in our homes but is yours doing all it can? Sometimes we buy furniture because it looks great but it also has to be functional otherwise it’s surroundings will take its beauty away anyway (picture a desk that looks great but has no storage – it ends up covered in papers so we miss how nice it is!) Perhaps the solution is investing in built in furniture – if so plan what you need to store and ensure it suits what you need.

Can I Live Without This?

A question I ask myself daily when I look around my home. It’s a powerful question and shifts no responsibility. By this I mean we are responsible for what we bring into our homes and if there is guilt to be faced because we have bought in error or over shopped then feeling that feeling isn’t a bad thing. I never ask myself what I’ve used in the last year, I never try and talk myself around thinking something could someday potentially be useful – I acknowledge mistaken purchases and take them onboard so I can make changes in the future.

For more advice on decluttering and home organisation contact the You Need A Vicky team.